April is the best month of the year. Hands down. Everyone knows it.
But something happened in early November. Allison was born. Oh, don’t get me wrong April is still the greatest month of the year.
Last year Alex and I, along with the beautiful peoples of Run River North (formally known as Monsters Calling Home) surprised Allison with a cake. Nokia Theater. Backstage. Porto’s Chocolate Cake. Happy dolphin tears. Win.
This year, in the midst of our hectic unemployed schedules, I emailed Alex to scheme up another plan. Back to the drawing board we went. Being the men we are, we decided to bake. On the spectrum between master chef to awesome baker, we fall… pretty far from the tree. We baked awesome Star Wars cookies for my birthday but of course we were supervised by our handy-dandy-awesome-master-baker Grace. Oops I mean, Allison. I’m sorry, please don’t kill me Alice…
In times of trouble, whom do we turn to? Mother Mary? Jesus? Ghost Busters? Joss Whedon? Ask Jeeves? Nay. I did what any other brave man would do. I googled Pintrest. BAM. Through the shining light of my 15.4 inch mac book pro screen, there it was, the glorious photo of an apple pie in an apple. Say whatttt? APPLE PIE IN AN APPLE? Word. You read correct. I confirmed with Alex about the choice and we were set.
Honestly, after reading the directions, it didn’t seem too difficult so I felt pretty confident. With my head held high, I strolled into my local Ralphs in rainbows and checkered shorts. Mind you, it’s October. It’s winter and only in LA can you do that. I love LA. Yayayee! Anyways, I digress. My sister bakes so I had most of the necessary ingredients at home. Basically I just needed apples…
Granny Smith Apples. Check.
Pre-made Pie Crust. Check.
Oh. What is this hovering in the peripheral of my eye? Chocolate chip cookie dough? Aw eff. Game on. Yoink.
Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Check.
I bought a couple extra apples just in case we messed up. I’m glad I did. Right before Alex got to my place I made a small first batch. I have to say, they were pretty good, but nowhere near Allison-bawce-level-awesome. I happen to have a pineapple at home so for the second batch we decided to add pineapples into the stuffing and sprinkle more cinnamon… in the stuffing, in and around the apple, everywhere. ADD PINEAPPLES AND A LOT OF CINNAMON. TRUST. Rolled out the pie crust and popped out gingerbread man shaped covers (my sister has a random set of cookie cutters).
Now on to the cookies. My sister had a random set of animal shaped cookie cutters with a moose and a bear in it. Alex likes moose and I like bears. So we thought it’d be fun to make animal shaped chocolate chip cookies.
The end result didn’t turn out so well… it basically looked like a moose with hella tumors and a fatass, rotund blob of a bear, which didn’t look like a bear at all… Did I mention Alex and I aren’t bakers? Well, A+ for effort right? We tried, I promise.
We ended up meeting at a dive bar in Glendale. Proceeded with the routine, “Heyyy~” Then, bada-bing-bada-boom! Whipped out our presents and surprised her. I think at first she was confused… at why the gift wrapping was so shitty. That’s because like an idiot, I didn’t really think things through and realized I had no cool little box to put the deformed cookies in, or any cute little ribbon to tie, or any birthday gift wrapping paper. All I had was left over Christmas gift wrapping paper. It was that or aluminum foil. Allison, being the sweetest person we know, didn’t say a word about the crappy gift wrapping, or how ridiculous the cookies looked, or how cold the apple pies were at the time. She was happy. This may be a pretty exaggerated assumption, but I think she loved it.
All in all, the evening was awesome. The bar manager came by our table and we made small talk. We offered him a cookie and in return he bought us a round of beers. He was cool. Beers, cookies, and good company. Can the night get any better? Oh yes it can, and it did. Alex found out that their song Growing Up would be airing on KCRW! The three of us rushed out to Allison’s car and bumped it. With our hearts full of joy and excitement, we went back to the bar and shared one last round of drinks to celebrate before heading out.
Things I learned:
-This post ended up being pretty long due to the lack of photos upon the surprise of Allison asking me to guest blog
-I thought baking was going to be easy; a breeze; a walk in the park; a piece of cake (pun intended). I wish Allison had parted some wisdom on me before my attempt.
-Baking is pretty fun. But I think it’s more fun when you have someone who knows what they’re doing.
Thank you for reading. This blog is awesome.